Help Me Choose My Next Keyboard

{ENTER} —- In my four decades of life on Earth I’ve been privileged to witness the meteoric rise of the keyboard (silly metaphor, that – meteors only ever fall) as the primary writing instrument for humankind. Oh the pen was mighty indeed, and is still instrument of choice for the Unconnected, but in the cyborg era of Homo-Internetus it’s as outmoded as pooing into a hole in the ground.

The future was bright. The future was Digit-al. (Digits? Fingers? Geddit?)

{PgDn} —- Mine broke yesterday. Keyboard, not fingers. Well – okay, stop twisting my damn arm – I broke it. Accidentally, mind: It wasn’t murder. I was trying to clean the verdammt thing after spilling Sweet and Sour sauce on two of the keys: Alt and X – two keys I use a LOT. Consequently, they’d become sticky under pressure, kind of gooey, and were really doing my nut so after arming myself with the power of an instructional youtube video gently prised the the offending keys off, gave the thing a quick spray of kitchen cleaner, and wiped it all away.

Hey! Who choose this image??? My keyboard wasn’t THAT filthy!

{DELETE} —- Keyboard reassembled, upon testing my handiwork I discovered that many of the keys were no longer working correctly. Some were pressing three different letters from all over the keyboard while the Alt key, bless it, seemed to be permanently on. I suspect the sauce infestation was more extensive than I realised, probably now under the membrane causing havoc; my attempts to clean the device seemingly had only made it worse. BUT…the keyboard was in desperate need of cleaning – it was really staggering filthy; jebus knows how I ‘d avoided contracting bubonic plague from it and I’d been looking at getting a new one anyway…so, heart heavy with guilt, I cheerfully consigned it to the bin, bought an ultra cheap/cheerful Trust job from my local supermarket, and am now in the market for a proper replacement.

{SHIFT} —- So, opening this up to the Vivaldi Community, What do you guys suggest? What do you use? Are you a Gamer with a $150 dollar mechanical key device with suites of programmable LEDs and specialist key commands? Or has a basic Microsoft/Hewlett Packard/Logitech device done you for the last two decades? What matters to you about a keyboard? Do you like specialist keys for media control? Are you wire-free or abnormally averse to batteries? Does putting the function key where the CTRL key usually lives drive you as insane as it does me? I saw one with a frikkin solar panel on it yesterday – anyone rocking one of those bad boys? And do you think they have models that harness wind power too?

{PAUSE/BREAK}

Come. Assume the position and begin the sacred laying-on of hands. that thou shalt reveal thy thoughts one clickety-click at a time (or, if you’re anything like me, furious burst of clicks followed by slower corrective clicks)

You may now {INSERT} typed grammatical constructs into the appropriate web receptacles below. And speaking of webs….

[PS: Doctor Who episode 4 review is on the way!]

Bathing In Irish Ear-Chocolate

*THIS BLOG POST IS PRESENTED WITH HEARTFELT APOLOGIES TO BRITISH RADIO PRODUCER AND PRESENTER LOUISE MOLONY*

So on my morning commute to work I listen to a bloke called Shawn Keavney on the radio 6 breakfast show. He’s usually quite funny, being a perpetual grump, although I find as time goes on he’s a bit repetitive. On my way home, becuase I usually can’t summon the will to change the radio station, it’s the legendary Steve Lamacq who, while being legendary, I find quite monotonous to listen to (I don’t really share his taste in music either). But this this week I found the will to make that change…

…to get some soothing snippets of the wonderful Irish tones of Louise Molony on Magic Chilled. Like many other Scottish breathing men I have a ‘thing’ for Irish accents. To try to describe it: It’s like having warm liquid silk poured directly into your pleasure centres. It’s…it’s aural chocolate. And lovely wee Lousie – who is doubly blessed by being proper gorgeous on top of being Irish –  just has such a cute little voice to go with that beautiful accent that it lights sparkly hypnotic lights inside my head.

Publicity shot, obvs, but holy god she’s a hottie.

Don’t worry, Louise. I know you are completely – nay, hilariously – out of my league (and I have no idea of your actual relationship status so I’ll assume ‘happily joined to someone’) but I do hope you’ll permit my ears to continue absorbing you from afar.

Here’s the lovely lady again in conversation with another lovely, funny lady – Comedian Sarah Millican –  who possesses another fond favourite accent of mine; the County Durham.

I make terrible tea, probably ‘cos I don’t drink it. Neither of you would enjoy it. *gags*

…and I’m never letting you eat crisps in my car, Louise. Filthy girl.

If only I could have been a a fly on the wall of that whole conversation…no, wait, that’s just weird; nobody enjoys compound eyes. Some kind of Lemur, perhaps? A Lemur just chilling out on the wall of that studio. Pay no attention to the Lemur, ladies. Just keeeeeep talking….